


white denim jackets

by avapacifica



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Concerts, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Infinity On High (Album), M/M, Summer Love, Summer of Like, The Black Parade, Warped Tour 2005, petekey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 22:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: Mikey doesn't want things to end with Pete, but he knows they have to





	white denim jackets

Warped Tour ‘05

 

Mikey slowly opens his eyes. He knows by how groggy he feels that it’s probably past noon, and therefore too bright to just shoot straight awake. So he opens them slowly. He almost immediately notices the ‘8:00 tonight’ written messily on his arm in sharpie and sighs slightly. 

 

He told Pete that they needed to talk, but for him to pick the time. Almost because he didn’t want the responsibility. He didn’t want to talk to Pete, but he thought he had to. He didn’t think he would pick a date so far from the end of the tour though. 

 

Mikey climbs out of the cramped bunk and pulls on the white denim jacket Pete left for him last night. Pete knows that Mikey loves wearing it. He knows Mikey really well. But Mikey knows that this will probably be the last time he ever wears it. Not that Pete would ask for it back, he probably didn’t even want it anymore anyway. Mikey just doesn’t know if it would still hold the same joy, the same scent that it did for the last few weeks.

 

He makes his way to the front of the bus where the beloved coffee machine is. God knows he’s going to need his fill. If smoking was his vice, then coffee would be a close second. Currently he’s alone, with only the hum of the bus to keep him company. Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob are probably hanging out with other bands, or watching others perform. Mikey was glad they were. He enjoyed his time alone, not just because it was a rarity now, (though that influenced it) but also simply because he likes the times alone with his thoughts. Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance were playing back to back tonight, so there was no chance of avoiding Pete, but at least he had now.

 

After about an hour of just drinking coffee and drawing little doodles on napkins there’s a knock on the bus door. Mikey shouts for them to come in and Gerard strolls in. 

 

“Why did you knock?”

 

“I wasn’t sure if…” he trails off, “Pete was here.”

 

Mikey groans and puts his head in his arms. He just wants this tour to be over, so the only other time he’ll have to see that black fringe again is in the occasional magazine. 

 

“Sore subject?” Gerard questions. Mikey just mumbles something unintelligible in response. “Well we go on in two hours.” 

 

Mikey almost chokes on his coffee, and looks over at the clock to see it reads 4:00. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”

 

Gerard shrugs. “You needed your rest. I almost thought you were gonna pull an all nighter, you were still awake when I woke up.”

 

Mikey shakes his head annoyed. He doesn’t want to complain though, he knows his brother was just looking out for him. But Mikey is always tired, and a few extra hours of sleep isn’t going to change that. 

 

He runs to his bed and throws the white jacket and his shirt on it, changing into a different tee. He knows he doesn’t have time to fix his hair so he just pulls a beanie over it; a cure all for the bed head that’s surely there.

 

The brothers leave the trailer and get hit with very hot, early August air. Mikey doesn’t have time to ease his eyes into it, he just has to hurry. They run across a few fields and get to the main stage with about 15 minutes to spare. 

 

Fall Out Boy is already on when they get there, and Mikey frowns. He wanted to wish Pete good luck one last time, even though he knows he doesn’t need it. There are all these little things that Mikey never knew were gonna be the lasts, and he regrets not appreciating them when he had them. But there’s no going back now, Pete knew he wanted to talk. Mikey was good at keeping secrets, but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t lie to Pete. It had to be tonight.

 

Though this won’t be the last time Mikey will get to admire Pete from the side of the stage, he still takes it. Because Pete is beautiful, and even when this ends, and even when he won’t be able to look at him without hurting, he’ll still be able to admire him from afar. 

 

Before he knows it, because god time is flying fast, the band is coming off stage before their encore. Mikey pulls Pete aside and just hugs him. But Pete is oblivious, he’s not good at noticing when things are wrong. So he just hugs back. But maybe that’s enough right now. Mikey doesn’t want to freeze up if someone asks if he’s okay. Pete kisses him on the cheek and pulls away.

 

“I gotta go back now, but we’ll talk in between sets.” Mikey nods. And just before he does the encore, just because he had to make things so much harder, he squeezes Mikey’s hand, smiles, and whispers, “I love you Mikeyway.” And then the fucker just ran out on stage without waiting for a response. It’s okay though, because if Mikey tried to talk he might burst out into tears. Or even worse say it back. 

 

Fall Out Boy plays Grand Theft Autumn as their last song and leaves the crowd cheering. Mikey puts on a fake smile. Pete is bad at reading people, but he’s not stupid. Once Pete reaches him they just go over to a table and make small talk. Mikey compliments the show, and Pete reassures him he’s going to do great, because he knows that Mikey needs the encouragement quite a bit. He isn’t upset that he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ back. He knows that Mikey needs time to think things completely through in his mind, and Pete is all but willing to give him the time he needs. He knows him so well. 

 

Gerard is the saving grace that pulls Mikey away when the set is done being set up. Mikey is about to burst, but luckily he can put that into his bass playing. 

 

What should have been a really fun show with a great crowd turned out to be completely numb for Mikey. Of course no one noticed. He never really moved around a lot while playing, and he didn’t make any mistakes, but that’s how he’s always played. He’s learned over many shows that not drawing attention to himself is the best for him as a performer. 

 

But of course he doesn’t want the show to end. Because that means going back to his bus for an hour until Pete gets there, and after that…

 

The set is done, and Mikey hurries off the stage, disappointed to see Pete standing there. “You did great!” Pete tells him, but all he hears is white noise. “I can come with you if you want to talk now.” Mikey feels terrible, because Pete looks happy. He couldn’t possibly imagine what was coming. 

 

“No.” Mikey says a bit harshly. Pete’s face drops, and Mikey just feels worse. “I’m sorry, I just need to change and do a few things before you come over.” He smiles hoping it was convincing enough. 

 

“Yeah sure.” Pete smiles back, the color returning to his face. If he only knew. He looks around for a quick second making sure there weren’t any roadies or workers that didn’t know and gave Mikey a quick peck. “See you in an hour.”

 

“Yeah” Mikey barely responds. As soon as Pete is out of sight he breathes a sigh of relief. He tends to worry about a lot of things. Talking to Pete now probably would have been the sensible decision. But Mikey is addicted to Pete, and while he’s aware of it, addictions are pretty hard to quit.

 

Pete on the other hand is giddy.All sorts of ridiculous thoughts are going through his head. Maybe Mikey wants to get a puppy. Maybe Mikey wants to talk about after the tour. Maybe Mikey wants to go public. He tries to keep the last thought out of his head. He doesn’t want to get too excited. Really Pete doesn’t care what they talk about, just being with Mikey makes him feel these butterflies that he hasn’t really felt with anyone before. He’s head over heels. Something is screaming at him in the back of his mind that he shouldn’t get too invested, it might not last. He doesn’t listen to that though.

 

In another bus not too far away Frank, Bob, and Ray are being forced to take a smoke break, while Gerard comforts a sniffling Mikey. “Why do you even need to break it off?” Gerard asks. He doesn’t get an answer. Mikey wants to, he really does, but Gee doesn’t understand what’s going on inside his head. If Pete isn’t angry he might get it. Maybe. So they just sit like that, Gerard rubbing Mikey’s back, while he tries not to cry, because he knows he’ll be doing that enough later. From an outsider’s perspective it would have looked like an uncomfortable silence, but it’s really not. Silence isn’t as scary when you’re as close as the brothers are. 

 

A knock does interrupt this silence though, and Mikey gets a deer in the headlights look. “I’ll get it” Gerard reassures him. He heads to the other side of the bus and opens it to Pete. “He’s in the back” he smiles at him. He knows this isn’t Pete’s fault. If it was, Mikey would be more angry than sad. It’s not anyone’s fault really. Sometimes Mikey just can’t do something, even if it makes him happy. And although Gerard doesn’t completely understand it, he’s going to support him in whatever decisions he makes. 

 

Pete goes to the back of the bus where he finds Mikey in his bunk, not sharing the same happy expression as himself. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Mikey shakes his head. And that’s when the guilt starts circulating through Pete’s body. He should have known something was up. He should have been asking Mikey if something was wrong. But no, he was thinking about puppies and other unimportant bullshit. He rushes over to the bunk, crawling in. The space is cramped, but neither of the pair care about how close they are. 

 

After a few seconds of silence Pete whispers, “So what’s up?”

 

And then Mikey’s jaw locks up. This is turning out to be so much harder than he wanted it to be. His eyes are brimming with tears.

 

“Pete, I think-” fuck he’s crying, “I think we should break up.”

 

More silence.

 

“Why?” His tone is impossible to read. 

 

“I don’t know if I’m ready. I really like you, I do. I know this sounds terrible, but it’s really not you, it’s me and my fucked up mind. I feel like I’m not good enough for you and that I’m holding you back. I know you’re gonna tell me that’s not true, but that doesn’t help these fucking thoughts go away. It’s not even like we can have a real relationship, we can’t even be in public together.”

 

Pete grabs his hands. “I’m ready.”

 

“Pete, I don’t know if I am.”

 

Even more silence.

 

“I think the problem is that I want to tell people.” he sighs, “But I’m afraid of what people will say. I know that’s weak, and I should stay stronger. I just don’t know if I can.”

 

“I meant it when I said I love you. If this is what you want,” now Pete is trying not to cry, “and if this is what’s best for you, then we probably should. I’ll do anything for you.”

 

Silence.

 

“I love you too.” 

 

Pete wants to cry. He can’t though. He has to stay strong for the boy next to him. 

 

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks. Mikey shakes his head into his shoulder. So he stays. He stays until the crying boy is sleeping and safe. He takes his glasses off and puts them on the table next to the bunks, then pulling the thin blanket up over his chest, finally leaving a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight Mikeyway.”

 

He exits the bus, seeing the rest of the band leaning quietly against it blowing smoke rings. The atmosphere seems sad. “He’s asleep.” he tells Gerard. Gee nods at him to say thank you. Maybe in another universe Pete would be mad at Mikey or Gerard would be mad at Pete. Not here. They both want what’s best for Mikey no matter how much it hurts. 

 

-

 

It’s not bad the rest of the summer; more so awkward. There’s still something there, and everyone can see it, but nothing is ever acted upon. Both bands just go their separate ways, only seeing each other between sets. But before either of them realize it Warped is over and they’re back working on their new albums Infinity on High and The Black Parade. 

 

Every few years Mikey or Pete would break down and call the other one, wanting to start something again, and the other would comfort them, but nothing ever happened. After time these calls would come less and less frequently, and seeing each other at parties wasn’t a sharp stab in the gut like it had been in years previous. Eventually they both had kids, Mikey getting married. And yeah they still reminisce about the past sometimes, and there still is a deep bond, but they share it as friends. And maybe it’s better that way.


End file.
